Toward the end of every phone conversation I have had with my mother, she has told me to make sure I get enough sleep. Without fail, each time I swiftly reply, “I don’t need sleep. I have coffee.”
My coffee intake has increased dramatically since I have been attending Ohio University. Sure, in high school I was the kid who sauntered into first period with her empty travel mug in hand. I thought I had a caffeine problem back then, but now I realize that my few years of one-cup mornings were mere child’s play compared to my lifestyle now.
Because of my hyper-dependence on the popular beverage, I have been overly-aware of the social no-no’s in the coffee realm. Below is a list of the ones that irk me the most.
- Indecisive Starbuck’s Buyers
Picture this: you’re heading over to your early morning class, and have just enough time to grab a coffee at the nearest coffee shop. You make your way through the line and are so close to being replenished by your favorite flavor of liquid gold, when low and behold, the sorority girl in front of you can’t decide between a vanilla latte or a mocha, and she decides it would be a good idea to call her friend and ask for her opinion on the matter… while she’s in front of the cash register.
I kid you not, this happened to me last semester. And yes, I’m still bitter about it. Whatever you do, don’t be that girl.
- Caffeine Withdrawal
While sitting in my afternoon class, I felt a wave of immediate exhaustion flood over me. I sleepily looked up at the clock. Darn. 30 minutes left. Therefore, I begin my stay-awake routine, which consists of blinking 78 times per minute and jiggling my legs until my desk moves.
Must. Get. Coffee.
I glanced around the room, only to find several other students instinctively mimicking my movements. I felt a sympathetic approval well up inside of me: I had found fellow coffee drinkers.
Or maybe they were drug addicts. I guess there’s not much of a difference.
- Keurig Malfunctions
One of the best gifts I have ever received in my life was the Keurig I got upon graduation. It’s unhealthy how attached I am to it; I have recently gotten to the point where other people can touch it without me cringing.
For me, a hectic morning consists of my realizing I forgot to refill the water tank. Of course, that’s very petty of me, but after a very late night filled with note taking and text skimming, coffee is essential.
- Coffee Critics
The stereotypical college student’s life force is only revitalized by coffee and ramen. Or at least, this is what I thought before my arrival to campus. I never thought it was possible for so many people to be indifferent toward coffee.
Don’t get me wrong, everybody has their own unique set of interests, and it’s completely fine to not be crazy into it. I just don’t want to hear about your strong distaste for it every time you see me with coffee cup in hand.
Everybody finds his or her vice at some point in life. For caffeine addicts, coffee satisfies almost every need and alleviates any bad situation.
Ginger Power 